Saturday, August 19, 2006

How To Deal

When dealing with a stressful situation, people often refer to the "flight or fight" response. Depending on the situation, I usually prefer the flight.

Step one: Remove yourself from the situation.

Step two: Listen to some music that will help calm you down. (For me, this is usually angry music. It helps me to realize that there are a lot worse things to get angry about... and then there are other times where it just makes me angrier.)

Step three: After the cooling off process, ponder your problem.

Step four: Think about how you can handle the situation to make it better.

Step five: Put whatever plan you had just concocted into effect.

Now that I am at my father's house, I am finding it very difficult to follow these five steps. Usually they help, but now they just aren't working. I pray for God to give me the strength I need to get through this, as he's already provided me with a companion to help deal.

Friday, August 11, 2006


You know what I hate? I hate breaking up. I hate breaking up for stupid reasons. I hate breaking up for stupid reasons that make absolutely no sense. If S.H. had told me at the beginning of the relationship that he wasn't ready for a girlfriend, then yeah, I would submit more easily. If we had started dating two months earlier, (like he wanted to, but we didn't because I was still hung up on C.R.) then he had broken up with me within the first month, I would be happier. But the reason that I am still basically upset about this is because it takes me roughly six months to find another boyfriend after my last relationship makes a break. Homecoming is in October. That is less than three months from now. How am I supposed to find a date by then?!? I got it! I'll put out an ad!! Not.
Best SELF is now over and I cried on the last day. No, not because I was overflowing with emotion. No, I cried because I didn't know what I had done wrong to make the kids I taught hate me so much. I cried because they thought that I had no authority because it was my first year and I was just an assistant. And the worst of it? I cried in front of my "worst nightmare" students.
I hate the fact that I still have homework and that I'm leaving for my father's house on Thursday. I can't stand to live in the same house with all his kids, and not to mention the in-laws who are coming. They don't treat me like their grandchild, and they don't treat my little brother and sister like their grandchildren. It's like their only relatives in that house are B.A. and M.R. Majority rules and I say, as well as my father, that they are not welcome in that house. Alas, it is not my house and therefore not my place. I'll just stay locked in my room when I'm home and leave the house when I'm not. Take my homework elsewhere to do. Maybe to Noon Moon so I don't have to put up with P.H's dysfunctional side.
I might think of other things to hate later, but right now, life is pretty good. It's just my sucky personality.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Becoming Antisocial

It isn't working. The day I posted last, I had no idea that something would happen to me that would give me something to write about. I broke the news to my mother the next morning. I talked to one of my friends about it that night and he said to "give him some space, then slowly start talking to him. Maybe, just maybe, he'll realize how much he misses me and come back."
Now, you've probably guessed it... Spencer broke up with me, and I am feeling extremely sorry for myself. I had resolved not to pick up the phone, or talk to my friends on the internet, just disappear for awhile until school started, get my homework done, travel a little, pay off my car. And the only people who would know what had happened to me are the one's I live with and the people I work with. My friends are not co-operating. I've gotten 2 instant messages and three or four phone calls since. Unfortunately, none of them were from the person I wanted to phone, and none contained the grovelling that I wanted to hear. I guess I should consider myself lucky though; at least my friends care enough about me to not let me go that far. So now I am here, alone with my goals and dog, and paying off a car.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

I Wish I Was Old Enough To Drink More Than Thera-Flu

I feel relatively neglected by my friends. My throat is relatively sore and has been for a week or so. My ears are relatively plugged with some substance from my innards that isn't earwax. I still have half of two assignments to finish and am relatively bored with it. I've been drinking nothing but apple juice and Thera-Flu which tastes relatively like lemon juice in water and I'm relatively hot in my shorts and t-shirt.
I tried calling S.H. today. When he didn't answer, I called R.M, twice. I felt like bragging that I finished Jane Eyre before he did (he has an air that makes him appear that he thinks himself better than everyone else). He didn't answer either. So I'm feeling somewhat lacromose and woebegone because my friends don't want to talk to me, and my boyfriend just might want to break up with me (he hasn't called and we haven't seen each other for so long. He doesn't seem to care anymore), and I've been sick for the past two days. I wish I was 21 so I could go out and have a good drink, but I don't think the alcohol would mix too well in my system with the Thera-Flu.