Saturday, November 26, 2005

Sorry Guys

I seemed to have hit somewhat of a writer's block but I'll have rid myself of it by next week. Sorry your weekly entertainment has stopped momentarily and thanks for the support.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Things we are thankful for

Jesus Dying For Our Sins
My Family
Family Time
My Friends
The Yummy Food That Is Cooking
Our Houses
My Rights as a Human Being
Our Health
Our Senses
Our Animals Like Maxi and Hannah and Daisy
Our Talents
Our School
The Teachers
The Oceans, Lakes, Rivers, and Streams
The Mountains
The Snow
The Holidays
Our Toys
The Ice-Skating Rink
The Weather
Videos and DVDs
The People That Help Us
For Transportation

My little cousin Kayla helped me write on this Thanksgiving Day. I am thankful for all the loving people around me and the fact that I have the ability to make my own choices. I thank God that I am here at my "new" Granparents' house rather than at my father's parents' house, although Grandma does make the best pumpkin pie. I'm glad that my friends support me and that I can have intelligent conversations rather than showing my blonde side (that supposedly is accompanied by a low IQ). On this Thanksgiving Day, I slept in (another blessing from above because I never get to sleep in). After I was up and running, figuratively speaking, we drove down to my grandparents' house where I spent my time competing for the highest score on a video game with my little cousins and teaching K.Z. how to blog.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Ordinary Girl In an Extraordinary World

So, I consider myself somewhat ordinary, nothing too exciting about me. It's the same girl who has gotten up every morning at six to the same Staind song, walked to the same bus stop every morning since seventh grade, gone to all the same classes since September, and gone home every night, simply to do homework and go to bed at the same time every night. Some wonderful things happen, but only over a period of time... like the trip to France. Some days are awesome, some days are horrible, yet I make it through every time, which is, in essence, why I am still here. You see, I made a choice, way back in sixth grade, that I wanted to live. I have never contemplated suicide since then and have lived my life with the expression "Carpe Diem" imprinted in my mind. I think back to my middle school years and wonder, How did I get to be the person that I am today? I used to be SO popular and I knew everyone in my grade. I look at the person I am today, and nobody talks to me anymore. Have I just changed to be more introverted or have I realized that my friends aren't all that cool? My high school career may be going just the way I want it to. Even though I might appear to be un-original, I still hold high hopes for myself. Not many people know that I want to teach English in France. Not many people know that I excell in math and science. Not many people know that I can be extremely crazy when I want to. Not many people know that I help pay bills and buy groceries because my lame-ass father doesn't pay the child support on time.
I had a really good conversation with a girl that rides my bus today. I found out that she plays basketball, and that she has a brother and a sister. She found out that I work at Eddie Bauer and that I like to snowboard on my days off. I guess my main question to the world is why are people so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't stop to talk to the people that appear to them as "simply ordinary"? Why do we not take an interest in people that we don't know yet and make them our friends? Maybe I'm just "tilting at windmills" but I believe that if we all started taking a little more time out of our days, we could not only meet more people, but make them close friends, and, in essence, make the world a smaller, more secure, place to live.

Monday, November 21, 2005

A Little Philosophy for You

"You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose... But you can't pick your friend's nose!" Bah dah bum bah!

This is a quote from G.A. via G.B. transferred to me and M.T. on the way home from Baker yesterday. The snow was icy in the morning but later on in the day, it was slushy because of the beautiful sun. Thank God someone finally told me how to turn on my new snowboard. On the way back, M.T.'s fingers got smashed in-between the glass of a mocha bottle and a Sobe bottle. "Everything goes over M.T.'s head, because he's so short!" His handwarmers were defective. Then there was the guy that was running the equipment check who was TOTALLY hitting on me... I'm not sure if that's good or bad. In my book, (which obviously isn't a good one for reasons that will be disclosed in the next sentence) it was an awesome day. However, I woke up this morning, (after not hurting a bit last night) and groaned. Long, loud, and with passion. I seriously ache today. M.T. gave me a bunch of shit about it at school and started poking me really hard because he knew I hurt. But he's apologizing right now so I guess I'll forgive him. I can't wait until January... Winter Ride, BABY!!! I'm going to kick some ass this year as a boarder!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

100 Years

"I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly youÂ’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 youÂ’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live"

In my opinion, this song by Five for Fighting is very true. We don't realize that we don't have that much time to live our lives. Like me; I can't believe that I am already the age that I am. I know that I'm not that old but a year passes quickly. My mother has raised me with some good morals and phrases to live by. One includes "Carpe diem." The meaning of these few Latin words to me is "If you died within the next hour, would you regret not having done it?" That's how I ended up with my first boyfriend. When you die, what do you want to have accomplished? What would you want to be remembered for? What would you want to be considered your greatest accomplishment? I still don't know my answers to these questions and even though I regret the results of some of the choices I have made, I don't regret the person I have become as a consequence.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Sometimes The Things That Need To Be Said Are Best Expressed With Other's Words

"I'll go wherever you will go."
"It's been awhile since I could call you."
The line repeat inside my head,
And on the radio.
"I wanna stand with you on a mountain,"
"He loves her, defintely maybe."
These are the songs we agree on.
"Listen to your heart, when he's calling for you."
"When you've only got 100 years to live."
The song is wrong.
There is no more time for me.
"I almost loved you,
And almost wished you would've loved me, too."
Lost love is the new theme.
"We belong together."
"I'm searchin' for some kind of miracle,
I've waited so long."
You may have treated me like crap
Blamed me, even
For our friendship's demise,
But I still miss you.
"I'm not listening when you say

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Time Wasted

Four and one quarter years gone
And I'm finally moving on.
One million chances
Have been given.
One million tears
Have been cried.
I've lost a companion
And so much more.
But was he ever sincere,
Did he ever really care?
My tunes will help me through
Remembering the times
He treated me like nothing.
Yet I stayed with him.
He became my best friend.
A million more chances were granted.
It ended on a horrible note.
I think he lied.
I'm convinced that he lied.
But he doesn't lie,
He simply deceives.
He gave me false hopes,
Kept my dreams afloat.
A phone call, an email
Angry words fill a page.
My pen's finally writing the truth.
Words become increasingly angry
On my part and on his.
A conversation meant for paper
Ends in harsh tones of voice.
I need someone in my corner.
The salt stains my paper;
One million one, one million two,
One million three, one million four.
Soon I'll be done crying.
Soon I'll be done remembering.
Soon I'll be done waiting.
Soon I'll be done taking risks
Because they always let me down
As their grand finale.
And these four years wasted?
They won't matter anymore
Because I'll have finally moved on.

I really should have listened to my mom: I do deserve someone better.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Snow at Baker!

We finally got the snow that was expected for last season! Yay! Opening day is November 8th and none of us skiers or snowboarders can wait. I am seriously excited! Check out how much is there!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

What Hurts More, The Truth or a Lie?

Update: The drama level in my school has risen to an all time high. First of all, S.S. "lost" the baby. I can't confirm this and I can't deny this because I don't really know if she was pregnant to begin with.
Let's start with C.G.'s side of the story. She tells him she's pregnant. He believes her for about two weeks before he starts doubting her story. So, what does he do? He buys a pregnancy test for her to take with him so he knows for sure. He doesn't tell her about it. Monday comes and she tells him that she lost the baby. He, of course, thinks she's lying about the whole thing and tries to get her to fess up. She doesn't and any argument that he makes, she counters with an argument that doesn't make sense (at least not to him). He still thinks she's lying and plans to break up with her but everytime he tries, she walks away before he's done talking. He talks to me at lunch and tells me that he's thinking about going back to his state of non-emotion. I told him, "If you don't express emotion, you can't love your friends." He said, "I know. I won't." Our conversation ended there and was picked up again after school. I brought up that last snippet of conversation and he confirmed that he wouldn't love his friends. I asked him, "What do you call this then?" He goes on to say something (I wasn't really paying attention to what it was because I was a little upset) and then, noticing the look on my face, asked me, "Are you alright?" I looked up. "What should I say? I mean, I know what you want to hear but I don't know what to say," I replied. "I don't know but something's bothering you, I can tell," he said, "I would think that I should be the one hurting here, not you." The tears are welling at this point and I'm trying to hold them back, but it doesn't work. The one thing that I never wanted him to see he has finally saw. He gets this look of sympathy on his face, which, to me, is the worst part. He steps toward me with his arms open and I let him hug me, deciding to hug him back. We're best friends, you see. He tells me that maybe he'll change his mind.
Now let's take S.S.'s point of view. She gets pregnant and tells C.G. She and him are together a little over a month after she knew. She trips over the stairs and other stuff multiple times while setting up for and during the choir's haunted house. "A little gray and black thing shows up in the toilet a couple days later." She talks to T.F-B. and apparently, his girlfriend had the same problem. So, S.S. tells C.G. she lost the baby. He brings up arguments, trying to prove that she lied. She wants to break up with him, and yells at him today, I don't know what over. She walks home with me, telling me her story all the way. She says she's broken up with him today. Hasn't happened offically yet. I tell her, finally, what's wrong and start crying all over again. I tell her that for the longest time, I hated her. She says, "There's more to the story than you're telling me." I give her my history with him and she blames it on herself and says she'll try to make it easier on him so we can be together and we could be happy. I know it won't happen. Everybody thinks that we'll end up together but I think everybody's wrong.
Now, let's look at my perspective. I don't know if she was pregnant or not. I don't know if she lost it or not. All I know is that losing a relationship with my best friend hurts like hell, and I don't know what I'll do about it if he give up emotion again. Like I said before, every man (except my step-dad) has let me down in my life. I don't want this to happen again with C.G. but it just might. I don't even know if he really cares about me. Maybe he never really did.