Sunday, February 28, 2010

Today is a day when I hate my life. I hate my job, I hate where I live as a result of having said job, I hate my housemate, and I hate myself for being so despicable that I don't have any friends that I can keep so I can be in a different living situation. I am so frustrated with where my life is going right now, and I hate waking up on Saturday and Sunday mornings to the doo-doo-doo-doo-doo scale notes of the walkie-talkie call button. I hate MS, I can't stand her. The first thing that she says to me this morning was "I'm going to watch this program and the program after that, and then I want you to help me with a bath." I hate giving her a bath. It's hot, and she takes FOREVER. And not only that, but KS is coming today, and she usually comes about 10:30, so she'll be here soon. When I made MS aware of the fact, she replied, "I would rather have you do it than K do it because she has other things that she needs to do today." KS is her daughter. KS comes down to relieve me so I don't go crazy and beat her mother to death with a pineapple, or any other fruit for that matter. So, today is my day off. And yet MS feels that I shouldn't get one. Thanks, dude. I never should have taken this job. But if I hadn't, where would I be now?

Living with people I hate, that's where. At least they would leave me alone. I would be living practically the same loner lifestyle that I am living here, but substitute one housemate that depends on me for five housemates that don't depend on me for anything but rent, and who I hate equally. Yes, I think that I would be much better off with MZ and AK.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Summer Reading List

Maybe it's a bit premature to be thinking about this, but I guess all the sunny weather has got me thinking about summer already. Too bad it's only February. I have so many things to look forward to! The concert right after my 21st birthday, training for an internship (cross your fingers for me that I get it!), AAS coming (REALLY cross your fingers for me on this one), and other stuff that I know not yet of. But come summer, AAS will be moving here, as some of you know, and if I get aforementioned internship, I will start in May. So, I have to have awesome books to read over what is sure to be an amazing summer. And here they are!

  1. Running With Scissors (Augusten Burroughs)
  2. Great Expectations (Charles Dickens)
  3. Nickolas Nickelby (Charles Dickens)
  4. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
  5. The Big Over Easy (Jasper Fforde)
  6. The Fourth Bear (Jasper Fforde)
  7. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
  8. Faust (Goethe)
  9. The Scarlet Letter (Nathaniel Hawthorne)
  10. Les Miserables (Victor Hugo)
  11. Ghost (Henrik Ibsen)
  12. An Enemy of the People (Henrik Ibsen)
  13. The World According to Garp (John Irving)
  14. The Almost Moon (Alice Sebold)
  15. Pygmalion (George Bernard Shaw)
  16. Five Quarters of Orange (Joanne Harris)
  17. Q & A (aka Slumdog Millionaire (PS: I am in love with this movie!) Vikas Swarup)
  18. Atonement (Ian McEwan)
  19. The Bible—I will be able to cross this off my bucket list if I get it done!
  20. Crime and Punishment (Dostoevsky)
  21. Ahab's Wife (Naslund)
  22. The Brother's Karamozov (Dostoevsky)
  23. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)

I know this is an insanely long reading list (considering the length of most of these books, and the fact that my boyfriend will be living in the same state as me, so I will be able to see him whenever I want), and I know I am ambitious, but I really hope I can get it all done.

Now for books that I would recommend for a GREAT summer reading list:

  1. Catch 22 (Heller?)
  2. Feed (Anderson)
  3. Anything by Shakespeare
  4. Envy (Olesha)
  5. Anything by Jasper Fforde (the ones I've read are his Thursday Next series)
  6. Waiting for Godot (Beckett (and though it's spelled Godot, it's pronounced /godoe/)
  7. Cyrano de Bergerac (Rostand)

I'll probably think of more once I post this, but hey, posts can be revised, right?

Thursday, February 25, 2010

A homeless man offered me help today. The irony does not escape me.

I was at the west entrance of Nordstrom, locking (or trying to anyway) my bike to a post. I was nicely dressed in khakis and my winter coat, and I had just my purse with me. (I had an interview, so I was toting around all the stuff that is normally in my backpack in my mid-sized purse). The purse wasn't in my way, but maybe it looked like it was, or maybe it just looked like I couldn't get the lock on right. Anyway, while I was in the process of locking up so I could go into Nordstrom, a man who would probably be escorted out of Nordstrom, or at least watched like a hawk, approached me, with his sleeping bag in its carrying case, and a small tote, and asked if I needed help. This was surprising to me, because I didn't feel like I was having trouble; I fight with my lock on a daily basis. I politely declined with a smile, and the man went on his way. As he walked away, I thought of the ten dollars that I had in my wallet, then about the food court in the mall, and wondering when this man's last meal was. I watched his retreating back for a moment before remembering that I was in a hurry, and that I needed to get going. So I went on my way as well.

Now, I'm thinking back to the man I met briefly today. I don't know his name. I don't know what his story is. I can only assume that he has a place to sleep tonight, and that he has somehow managed to get a meal. I guess I realize now that God was calling out to me, because shortly before this occurrence, I rode past a man from my school who is part of IVCF, and he was carrying around a bag full of peanut butter sandwiches and juice boxes, handing them out to people who looked like they were homeless. As I found out at Summit, they don't always look it. There was a lady I met who buried all of her stuff every day so it wouldn't get stolen, but every time I saw her, she was impeccably dressed, hair done nicely, and she biked everywhere. In fact, I confess I was wondering why she was at Saint Leo's for food. I thought maybe she was just having a hard time and needed the money she would spend on food for other bills. I was sure she had an apartment, or some sort of permanent living situation. When God called to me and told me to invite her to the dinner that the Summit kids were hosting at our temporary house, I found out that she actually lived in a tent, and needed to be back at her tent before dark so her stuff wouldn't be stolen. I was amazed, and I learned that the face of homelessness doesn't always have to be a dirty one.

In hindsight, I wonder if I should have let that man help me with the lock. Even though I got it fine by myself a second after I said no, maybe helping someone would have given him some pride, some feeling of self-worth. And if I had let him help me, maybe that would have led into a conversation about whether I could get him something to eat?

My heart breaks for these people. I feel it must be my life's work to help them, by opening a shelter. And here is the irony: the exact type of person that I should be helping is offering me help.

So, the lesson, I guess, would be to stop next time. Listen. Allow the person to help, even if I think I don't need it. Maybe the offering of help is for something else. Maybe it isn't that I needed help with the bicycle lock, but I needed help coming to this realization. Maybe this person offering to help me, was unknowingly offering me a chance to help him.

Courageous. The word of the evening for the homeless demographic. I could have met him with a disdainful gaze for all he knew, because he was carrying his life's possessions in a sack on his back.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Bucket List

A.K.A. My Life's To Do List
This is a project that I did with my class in high school, and I've kept the list, and mentally added things to it here and there. So here is the original list, and as I remember the things that I mentally added, I will add those as well.

  1. Attend Haverford Willamette University.
  2. Teach in France
  3. Grow my hair out (I wish there was a way to double-cross this out, I've done it several times now.)
  4. Graduate from high school
  5. Graduate from college
  6. Go skydiving
  7. Visit England
  8. Excommunicate my father (this one isn't something I'm proud of, but I have my reasons)
  9. Change my name
  10. Visit Paris again
  11. Track down Fanny Dore
  12. Complete 2 out of 3 AP classes with at least a B (Not to brag, but I ended up with all A's in those classes)
  13. Do a board grab off a jump while snowboarding
  14. Take a photography class
  15. Have a child
  16. Marry a man who is good for me
  17. Get contacts
  18. Contact Wayne and Judy (Paris)
  19. Buy a car
  20. Get my license
  21. Write a book
  22. Visit Italy
  23. Read the Bible from cover to cover
  24. See part of the Iditarod race
  25. Meet someone famous
  26. Go to Creation West at the Gorge
  27. Ski at Chamonix
  28. Gallop on a horse without falling off
  29. Run on a daily basis (for a summer)
  30. Visit 25 states (I have five under my belt at the moment)
  31. Get a breast reduction
  32. Drink green tea daily for 6 months
  33. Snowboard until I am physically unable to (age-wise)
  34. Live in a city
  35. Eat dinner in the Space Needle
  36. Meet "The Waiter" (
  37. Visit Switzerland
  38. Eat frog legs
  39. Go snorkeling
  40. Hit a hacky sack five times, consecutively
  41. Read Anna Karenina, and all the other books on my bookshelf that I haven't read yet.
  42. Ace my chem. final (this was in high school)
  43. Learn to speak Italian
  44. Do as many of the "100 Funnest Things to do at Walmart" before I get kicked out.
  45. Tell my father a very bad thing
  46. Take a road trip
  47. Learn to play piano better
  48. Buy a grand piano
  49. Buy a big house for my piano
  50. Somehow connect the poems for my English final
  51. Study in a foreign country (probably won't happen)
  52. Rent a limo
  53. Write 200 posts on my blog (I'm on my way!)
  54. Be quoted
  55. Snowboard at Chamonix
  56. Snowboard at Whistler
  57. Snowboard at Big White
  58. Take my little sister (the older of the two) snowboarding
  59. Moon someone
  60. Go skinny-dipping
  61. Make a will
  62. Get an iPod
  63. Keep up on homework this semester (this is an ongoing endeavor)
  64. Keep up on workload Senior year (this was finished then, but I start Senior year next year too, so I won't cross it off)
  65. Go to Disneyland
  66. Kiss the Blarney Stone
  67. See the Book of Kells
  68. See the Great Wall of China
  69. Walk up the steps of the Eiffel Tower
  70. Elope, or have a big wedding
  71. Learn a new word every day (for one year)
  72. Apply to Haverford University
  73. Choose and apply to grad schools
  74. Move in with AAS
  75. Try a bizarre food, other than frog legs
  76. Work at a boulangerie
  77. Participate in the Penguin Dip, in Clear Lake, WA
  78. Go on a cruise
  79. Sleep naked under the stars
  80. Pick out my burial plot
  81. Go to dinner with CR
  82. Get my tongue pierced
  83. Get my tattoo for Cass
  84. Send myself flowers
  85. Date a French guy
  86. Sleep next to a man I love
  87. Visit Scotland
  88. Major in French



  89. Have my portrait drawn
  90. Visit Denmark
  91. See the Grand Canyon at sunrise
  92. 15 hours of community service
  93. 20 hours of VisComm (another high school thing)
  94. Apply for Best SELF job (I got this one)
  95. Move out
  96. Montana trip with Grandma
  97. Sing karaoke
  98. Get streaks in my hair
  99. Yodel in Switzerland
  100. Drive my kids nuts, like my mom did to me
  101. Get the internship with the DA (I have an interview on Thursday)
  102. Conduct a research project
  103. Spend two months backpacking around the world
  104. Have a post card that I sent to PostSecret published, either on the website, or in the book.
  105. Experience Holi in India, even though I am not Muslim or Hindu.
  106. Have fun at Fete de la Musique in France one year.
  107. Buy a mask for Carnivale in Venice
  108. Graduate from grad school
  109. Get a kick ass job as an attorney, a mediator, or a clinical psychologist.
  110. Go speed dating.
Warning: some of these are no longer relevant
Date a French guy—This is irrelavent. I am currently with the most wonderful guy in the world, who complements all my bad qualities with all his good ones, and loves me just the way I am. I don't want anything else.
Go to dinner with CR—This one has been removed because it is no longer possible. I met CR when I was a sophomore in high school. When I met him, he had just signed up for the military, and was getting ready to head off to Marine boot camp. He had just finished dating this girl, KW, and his hanging out with me made her jealous, to the point of calling me a whore (I never slept with him, or anybody for that matter. She just didn't like the fact that he had kissed me. Once). Anyway, so he went to boot camp, and I wrote him six or seven letters while he was there, and he called me as soon as he got out. When he wrote to me, several times, he mentioned taking me to dinner so I could meet his brother, showing me that he was alright with commitment. However, when he got home, he was very non-committal, and I essentially had to force him to pin down a date that we would do something romantic together. Dinner, a movie, breakfast, whatever. So, we had breakfast, and I was under the impression that we were dating, since he was back, and we had been before he left. Nope. The same day that we went on a "date" (the breakfast date), I found out that he had "cheated" on me (He slept with his ex before he even tried to contact me to let me know he was in town. (There's lots of angsty poetry about it on my blog in places. Check it out. Or not. It really isn't that good. Anyway, back to the story). As a result of sleeping with this girl, he sired a son. Less than a year later, he committed suicide. I found out over the phone.
Get my tongue pierced—I don't really want to do this anymore. I think this was a teenage thing, and since Cass died, I would much rather get the drawing that I designed in her memory tattooed on me. I thought this was going to happen for my birthday, but it turns out that this internship (mentioned above) is unpaid, and as a result, I won't have the money to do it this year. Maybe I'll get it done on the five year anniversary of her death.
Apply to Haverford University—This was originally my top choice in schools, but I never actually applied to it because I got hooked on another school before the deadline and completely lost interest in Haverford. Besides, aside from the fact that I don't really fit at Willamette, I'm pretty happy there, and I like Salem well enough.
Learn to play piano better—I started taking lessons in 6th grade after I started teaching myself. My father and stepmother decided I needed lessons. When I went back to live with my mom, well, she was a single, low-income mom, which isn't to say that she was a bad mom, because I think that God saddled us together because she's the best I could have gotten (meaning there are no others like her, which I'm sure is the truth). Anyway, because she was a single mom who didn't make much, she couldn't afford for me to continue in piano. No big deal. While I liked playing an instrument, I didn't care for it THAT much and I don't really miss practicing.
Buy a grand piano—Again, what would I use it for?
Buy a big house for my piano—This, I think, was mainly for the prestige. I'd rather have a small cottage. Easier to clean.

Anyway, I have an interview for that internship on Thursday. Wish me luck, and if you're religious, pray that God puts me where I need to be. Also, I have a test on Monday, and found out last Friday that I got an 87.5% on a test in my stats class (the mean was 83, I think). It's been a good week.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Hey Everybody! It's Bad Joke Day!

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on him!

Feel free to comment with your own bad jokes. I love 'em!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

What Is Up With That Crazy Weather?

I don't know what's up with that crazy weather in the eastern states, but something sure is, and the weather has been weird here too. Oregon weather reminds me of a song by Relient K (who, by the way I saw in concert two years ago!): "Lately the weather has been so bipolar and consequently so have I." It's true. While the eastern states have been getting all sorts of snowstorms and stuff like that, Salem has been everywhere from rainy and 40 degrees to bright and sunny at a lovely 61 degrees. I LOVE it. But something about it is screwing with my internal clock. I've been so exhausted recently that I've been neglecting my blog, my webcomics (yes, I am a webcomic nerd) and my homework, and apparently I'm not the only one who is feeling it. On top of all that, I'm looking for and submitting my applications for internships right now, when I can find the time (i.e. Thursdays), and the one I'm really hoping to get is a victim assistance position with the State DA's office (that's district attorney for those of you less savy). Basically I would hang out and help victims find stuff they need, as well as accompany them to court. I would get all kinds of experience with different types of victims, so it's a big opportunity for me, and because it's a job with the state, I'll have a great reference on my resume for the future. In fact, it also might lead into a job with the state in the future. So I'll be applying for it on Thursday, and I hope I get it. Wish me luck, and pray for me!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

My great grandma died this morning.
Why do people say passed away? It's such a silly phrase, "Passed away."
Like she left, and it's possible for her to return...
Died is much more finite.
It has more finality to it.
More weight.

And why is it that one can be extremely upset,
Saddened, for one person's death,
But not for another's?

Is it because she was old and therefore it was
Is it because I didn't really know her that well?
Is it because she didn't have much life ahead of her anyway,
Or because she was sick and her quality of life
Wasn't all that good?
Is it because I know that she's in a better place?

Then I think about all the good that she did.
Raising my grandmother and her siblings,
Encouraging her children to lead good lives,
Boiling it down to

Enjoy heaven. Say hi to Grandad for me.
Love you.

So here's to two great old folks in the afterlife.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

The Dream

This "is such stuff as dreams are made on,"
She thought to herself as she drew water from the well.
Nightmares that is.
She puts the droplets to her eyes,
Drawing them under her lids,
Pulling them shut as to keep the tears from escaping
Back into the wishing well.
The well that is full of dreams and wishes,
One tear for each of the fallen.
And here she stands,
Holding the tears for the dreams next to fall
Just like she grasps at the wishes,
The saltiness slips from her hands.
She understands now
That designing for Shakespeare
Is a dream that is six feet under,
Because the Bard has been long gone for awhile now.
Keeping her eyes closed,
She can't see where she walks...
By touch alone, she digs the hole for the next dream,
Splintering her hands on the rough wooden handle
Of the rusted over spade.
The dream lands in the hole
With a soft thud from its weight.
And the tears fall again,
Back into the well,
Mourning with the other droplets
Another deceased dream.

Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Greener Pastures

"My dear, I don't give a damn,"
Said the sheep that was being raised by wolves.
They had her looking this way
And that way.
Never finding the patch of grass
That would prove to be the most nutritious.
It was always out of reach,
On the other side of the fence.
She would be forced to don the skin of wolves,
And tear into the flesh of other sheep like herself
To get her allotted amount of protein,
To keep herself alive.
And the wolves return her sentiment
In fewer words
That are well-disguised as caring
And understanding.
Before, she used to kid herself
That the wolf skin she tied on every day
Was her real skin,
Was the way she was supposed to look,
The code of conduct she was supposed to follow,
The fun she was supposed to have,
The burden that she was supposed to bear.
Then Fun became Pain,
Conduct became Optional,
Burden became Death,
And the skin became just that:
A covering of who she really was.
And she realized
The grass on the other side,
Isn't always green.

Morphine Dreams

Fully alive and awake one minute,
Fading quickly into sleep the next.
Jealousy guards the inanimate-ness you take on
When you slip into those
Morphine Dreams.
Envy watches you escape your life
All your problems
If only for eight hours,
As you fall into those
Morphine Dreams.
And I...
I just watch as you go goofy,
Working out phrases that
And that I know you wont remember
In the morning
After all those
Morphine Dreams,
Wishing I could join you in your
Morphine Dreams.

Monday, February 01, 2010

A Finger to the Theatre Dept. at SmallTown University!

This is mainly a post to collect my thoughts so I can write my letter of resignation to the Theatre Department. So this all started at the beginning of this semester. I took a job over the summer that pays room and board, and then some. Well, I started working this job, you know, the one where I take care of MS at night? Okay, well I informed the Theatre Department and all its asshole, manipulative, controlling, jerk-on-your-chain faculty members that I had this job, that I couldn't quit this job because that is what was keeping my bills manageable for the year. Without this job, I would not be attending STU, let alone be majoring in Theatre. This was when I was still a major in that Godforsaken department. Anyway, I asked for a lower commitment production assignment, something that I could get done during the day without a lot of commuting (like the props managers have to do), and they complied, giving me scene shop hours. What that entailed, because of my already overloaded schedule, was cutting back on my work study hours, you know, the ones I get paid for? The ones I use to pay my college tuition? Yeah, those. I finished the job that I had to do, 6 hours a week, and then 6 more per week that I got paid for (I couldn't do any more than that because if I had, I surely would have died from exhaustion. I had essentially 12 hours of work study a week, and an additional 17 hours a week for class. I literally had no time to think for the first half of the semester. Less than 10 hours of free time during the week, and I had to drop a class because it was too much). Anyway, I was working 12 hours per week, only 6 of which I got paid for, unfortunately. I needed more hours so I could pay for school. Anyway, I busted my ass, trying to get everything together, and still stay with the theatre department as a major. I quickly realized that I couldn't do it all, and couldn't do anything meaningful/get the work experience that I needed to make a life for myself in theatre, and therefore met with the theatre department to ask if it was even plausible to still be a theatre major. I had the idea that I would take the rest of my classes and finish the major academically, and then after my senior year, I would come back, work full-time, and do my production assignments, and that would be all I would be enrolled for, and I would graduate a year late. The theatre faculty shot that idea down, and told me it would be better for me to be a minor or just participate when I can and not be academically involved in the theatre. In fact, one of the professors even said "J, putting all personality differences aside, I don't think you should be a major." Reasonable advice, not very professional. Anyway, about halfway through the semester, the show opens, my production assignment is done, and I am out of a job. Basically, the person who is in charge of the scene shop said that she didn't have enough hours to keep people on, and the only people that she had hours for were the scholarship students. This is irritating, because I all of a sudden went from having barely enough hours to scrape by, to having no hours at all. I was laid off. Great, because, you know, there are so many open jobs on campus halfway through the semester for work study students, and believe me, I was looking. Then, a few weeks later the faculty released the 2009-2010 theatre handbook of rules and regulations that govern the theatre department and how it is run. Every student is expected to read through it and sign off that they read it. So I get to reading this book, this handy little handbook. And you know what I find? What's that? You don't know what I found? Well, let me tell you that I found all sorts of fancy, contradicting rules. For instance, "academic excellence" comes first. You are supposed to maintain good grades. Alright. I can do that. What's next? "Your commitment to the theatre department." This means accepting all roles given to you, and fulfilling them according to the description in the handbook. Okay, sounds alright, except where does work come in? Oh, that's right, after those two. Scholarship hours and work study are to be fulfilled AFTER the other two. So, basically, you pay for school after you go. Somehow, I think that if you can't pay for school, they kind of kick you out… Oh, and on top of all this? You're supposed to get enough sleep and stay healthy! HAHAHAHA YEAH RIGHT! WITH WHAT TIME??? For those of you who aren't familiar with the theatre and its workings, rehearsals are at night, and even designers, who don't need to be at rehearsals put in a lot of time and effort into making the show great. For example, the stage manager and assistant stage manager? 4 hours of rehearsal every night except for Sundays. Same with actors. And on top of all that, the SM and ASM are in charge of EVERYTHING. This is a HUGE time commitment, and I personally know many SMs and ASMs who have nearly failed their classes because they've had to be at rehearsal. And this is without work study or scholarship hours. Now, where do those hours factor in at? How can you factor in those hours? When you need at least 12 hours a week to pay for school after working three jobs over the summer, how the hell are you supposed to squeeze that in without hallucinating from sleep deprivation, and still manage to keep up with classes and your production assignment? Okay, so, I was dropping the theatre completely at this point. I met with my advisor, CH, and told him this, very angrily, I might add, because I was furious that I wasn't able to do what I wanted with my life because what I did with my time was dictated by how much my father pays for my education. Well, unlike a lot of your little angelic theatre majors, Daddy doesn't like to pay my tuition, even though he can afford to pay it all, and therefore, I HAVE to have a job to pay my bills. Unfortunately, my job is in the evening hours. That takes up a lot of time. Thanks for understanding, douchebags. When I met with CH to angrily tell him that the theatre department is discriminating against people from low-income families, he convinced me after a long conversation, to take a sabbatical from the theatre department for a semester. This was after my production assignment had been completed, and after I had been laid off. I had also made him aware that because I had been laid off, I couldn't afford to pay for school anymore, and that was stressing me out. He encouraged me to talk to my boss, RS, about it, and see what she could do for me. By the time this was happening, I had maybe two or three weeks left in the semester. When I talked to RS, she was gracious and said that I should have said something sooner. She made a deal with me that she would make me the scene shop supervisor, and raise my pay for Spring 2010 semester. Great. Thanks. I really appreciate it (without sarcasm). Winter break comes and I go home to work at my usual job. Whoohoo. I come back, and resume work in the scene shop. We've been in school for three weeks now (this is the start of the third week) and the theatre faculty have posted the production assignments for the semester. Assuming that I was on sabbatical from the department, I didn't take the time to check it, that is, until a Miss JA greeted me with "Hey! Fellow follow-spot ops!" (meaning I would be operating the spotlight with her for the show). Needless to say, I was very confused and upset because I am supposedly on a leave of absence from the theatre. I marched myself up to the hallway that contains all the offices of the theatre faculty members, and looked for ONE to talk to. None of them were there. I emailed CH, told him I wanted to meet with him. Apparently he emailed me back while I was working, and then ended up running into me when I was working and we had our little meeting that I had requested right then and there. I told him that I thought that I was on a leave of absence from the department, he looked confused and insulted, almost. I told him that my understanding was that to meet the requirements of the minor, I needed to have six productions under my belt. Not necessarily more, and no less. He said he would talk to RS, my super for the shop work, and also for my field of interest in the theatre, lighting design. He talked to RS, and came back to me with this message:


I'll admit that your request earlier today took me a little by surprise. I spoke with RS this evening, at the earliest opportunity, and at some length about your request to be given a "leave of absence" from production responsibilities this semester. We both thought we had done that last semester. We gave you a light load last semester on production, and even gave you a quarter credit for taking on the dance concert lighting assignment.

RS and I are agreed that it is hard to understand or accept your request to be excused a production assignment and yet to expect to continue your work as a shop supervisor. A shop supervisor, by definition, is a partner in setting that code of responsibility and accountability on which the department - the company - runs. The pattern that your request sets for the company is that it becomes acceptable to pick and choose the work you do, the projects you work on and the level to which you participate. Clearly if that became the model of operation we would soon collapse as a viable company. We need all hands to enable us to stage the production of this Kabuki play to the level at which we can all be proud. RS needs someone on the follow-spots who understands the instruments and what they can do. That is why she asked for you for that position. At the same time it also accommodated you need for a relatively light production load.

Furthermore, you should bare in mind that the guidelines of a minimum of six productions for a minor is just that ... a minimum ... It should never be considered the bench mark for the least you can get by with.

If you still feel that you cannot fulfill your assignment as defined, I would suggest you talk to Rachel directly, who is both your work supervisor and the primary faculty member in your designated field of interest - lighting design.

If we need to talk again, I'd be more than happy to meet and chat further.


Okay, given this message, and the information I've just provided you with, please explain to me how it was that they supposedly "gave me a light load last semester," and given me a "leave of absence" that I had requested two weeks before the end of the semester. Can you understand why I'm pissed?