Tuesday, November 01, 2005

What Hurts More, The Truth or a Lie?

Update: The drama level in my school has risen to an all time high. First of all, S.S. "lost" the baby. I can't confirm this and I can't deny this because I don't really know if she was pregnant to begin with.
Let's start with C.G.'s side of the story. She tells him she's pregnant. He believes her for about two weeks before he starts doubting her story. So, what does he do? He buys a pregnancy test for her to take with him so he knows for sure. He doesn't tell her about it. Monday comes and she tells him that she lost the baby. He, of course, thinks she's lying about the whole thing and tries to get her to fess up. She doesn't and any argument that he makes, she counters with an argument that doesn't make sense (at least not to him). He still thinks she's lying and plans to break up with her but everytime he tries, she walks away before he's done talking. He talks to me at lunch and tells me that he's thinking about going back to his state of non-emotion. I told him, "If you don't express emotion, you can't love your friends." He said, "I know. I won't." Our conversation ended there and was picked up again after school. I brought up that last snippet of conversation and he confirmed that he wouldn't love his friends. I asked him, "What do you call this then?" He goes on to say something (I wasn't really paying attention to what it was because I was a little upset) and then, noticing the look on my face, asked me, "Are you alright?" I looked up. "What should I say? I mean, I know what you want to hear but I don't know what to say," I replied. "I don't know but something's bothering you, I can tell," he said, "I would think that I should be the one hurting here, not you." The tears are welling at this point and I'm trying to hold them back, but it doesn't work. The one thing that I never wanted him to see he has finally saw. He gets this look of sympathy on his face, which, to me, is the worst part. He steps toward me with his arms open and I let him hug me, deciding to hug him back. We're best friends, you see. He tells me that maybe he'll change his mind.
Now let's take S.S.'s point of view. She gets pregnant and tells C.G. She and him are together a little over a month after she knew. She trips over the stairs and other stuff multiple times while setting up for and during the choir's haunted house. "A little gray and black thing shows up in the toilet a couple days later." She talks to T.F-B. and apparently, his girlfriend had the same problem. So, S.S. tells C.G. she lost the baby. He brings up arguments, trying to prove that she lied. She wants to break up with him, and yells at him today, I don't know what over. She walks home with me, telling me her story all the way. She says she's broken up with him today. Hasn't happened offically yet. I tell her, finally, what's wrong and start crying all over again. I tell her that for the longest time, I hated her. She says, "There's more to the story than you're telling me." I give her my history with him and she blames it on herself and says she'll try to make it easier on him so we can be together and we could be happy. I know it won't happen. Everybody thinks that we'll end up together but I think everybody's wrong.
Now, let's look at my perspective. I don't know if she was pregnant or not. I don't know if she lost it or not. All I know is that losing a relationship with my best friend hurts like hell, and I don't know what I'll do about it if he give up emotion again. Like I said before, every man (except my step-dad) has let me down in my life. I don't want this to happen again with C.G. but it just might. I don't even know if he really cares about me. Maybe he never really did.


B. said...

Hey, just bumped into your blog here.

If you really believe that this guy is your best friend than don't let that go. Take it from a woman who lost her best friend 9 years ago. I think of him daily and sometimes even cry because I miss him so.

If I could find him I would call him, but once you get older it gets harder and harder to find someone.

Also if your friend is claiming she miscarried her baby then she would have felt alot of pain and ALOT of bleeding. Once again, take it from a woman who had miscarried a couple of times in the last year.