Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Secrets: Everyone Has Them

So, today I have many things that fill my head, but there will be one post for each of them eventually. Right now, and only because I have time, I want to focus on this video that I was sent from the PostSecret community. Everyone has a secret, and I think that is something that makes us human. The ability to feel emotions, and let our emotions judge who we're going to share our hearts and minds with. I have a secret... I was raped. I only say this now, because before, when it happened, I was silenced by someone telling me that I was just being overly promiscuous. And I believed that person. I know now (after taking a women and gender class) that just because I convinced him to wear a condom, the fact that I was unwilling still made it rape. I'm still confused about a lot of it, so please don't ask questions. I'll work through it. Wow, I definitely did not mean for this to be a "mysecret" day.
What I meant to say originally, was that the girl who speaks starting at 3:29 reminds me a lot of my old self. The self that MZ and AK knew. She says, "I'm a lot better before you really know me." That was true for me. MZ and AK knew me deeply, they knew my soul, my being. And others, outsiders, knew my shell. Others thought I was so great. MZ and AK knew better. And now, after them, I've grown. Naomi Nye puts it so well in one of her poems: "I grew another head/with better ideas/inside my old head." This is what happened to me, and I hope something similar happens to the girl in the video. Now, I find that her secret is the exact opposite of mine: I am a lot better after you really know me.
Secrets. Some of them are funny. Some are deep. Some are scary, and some are so very private. But we all have them. And it's a beautiful thing. And PostSecret is so necessary because of the way so many people relate to the secrets that are posted. Sometimes, I wish Frank would post more than twenty. Sometimes, I wish he would post them all. And all the time, I wish I had his email so I could communicate to the people who send their secrets in that they are not alone, that I wish so much that they could know that I have the same secrets, and that I feel the same way. Maybe that will be my next postcard.
Also, quick shout out to my first (official) follower. Thanks for reading.

P.S. Sorry about the width of the video. I tried to make it fit, but it wouldn't.