Thursday, May 15, 2008


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Sinister Cynicism

This is who I want to talk to. Double click. "Hey". "Meebo message: Sinister Cynicism is offline". This happens EVERY TIME, and yet he says he isn't avoiding me. He's full of shit. We broke up because I wished he loved me. Is that so wrong? He couldn't give me what I wanted, and he couldn't deal with that. Is that really so hard to deal with? I write an email, asking him how he's doing. No response. I write another, telling him about how I'm doing, that I got Firefly for my birthday. Still, no response. And then, a final email, telling him how I'm doing, and telling him I'm done with our one-sided friendship. And, you guessed it, no response! He had told me, in an email, that he wanted to be friends, that he wanted "to keep things from going awkward and silent, if he could". Guess that's no longer the case. Maybe I just freaked out about his flirting a little too much. Couldn't handle seeing his arm around another girl, so I left. And he calls that freaking out. I didn't even yell... I didn't even say anything... I said goodbye to everyone, and I left. It's my party, I can cry/leave if I want to. Even my friends are telling me I should give up on friendship with him. Fine. You win P.V... I give up. I give up, I give up. B.P. told me she thought I had a chance of getting him back. Not so much when he doesn't co-operate with our plans. But it doesn't matter anymore. As an ex, I'm not supposed to care, so I don't. And then I do. And then I don't. And then I do, but I claim I don't. So I delete the crappy camera-phone pictures of him from my cell phone, I delete his phone number, knowing I can get it back from facebook if I need it, I delete him from my MSN and AIM accounts. I try to stop caring. He probably has me blocked anyway. Oh well. This is me not caring, or rather, me trying not to care...