Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Saint Patrick, Among Others

I would have to argue that St. Patrick's Day is probably the dumbest celebrated holiday ever. Saint Patrick was supposedly the patron saint of Ireland, but did you know he was actually British? He was taken from Britain as a slave by Irish raiders when he was 16. Apparently while he was there, he had an epiphany that he should be a monk, and he was able to go back to Britain to train. Finally he ended up in Ireland again, this time by choice. Was he crazy? If I was captured when I was 16, and I managed to escape, the last thing I would want to do is go back! So now that we have established the fact that he was a monk, let's just reiterate that he was British before telling everyone that Ireland made him their patron saint. So now, when we celebrate SPD, we're actually celebrating Ireland. Regardless, it's supposed to be a day that honors a saint, right? Well, I hardly think that a monk would approve of people in another country partaking in food-colored beer in his name. I don't think Ireland even makes green beer. And on top of all this, where the hell did the leprechauns come in? And what about holidays for every other saint in the canon? Why don't they get their own celebratory days? And the pinching for lack of green clothing? WTF? Actually, I think that last one comes from one too many mean-hearted children who are beaten at home and need to take it out on the less-liked kid who always forgets to wear green. Guess I was that kid.

Despite the rant about SPD, I do have a poem that I am currently composing about it that isn't a rant in the slightest. So just hold out with me until I get it done and I'll publish it for you.

The people on sustainability council at my school were serving "sustainable" SPD cake today. It was chocolate with green frosting and green sprinkles. But it wasn't the cake that I am so concerned about, it was what was under it. These people, representatives of the sustainability council were serving their cake on paper plates. You read that right. Paper plates with plastic forks. I could understand the paper plates if we had a compost bin at my school. But we don't. And the plastic forks? Straight into the landfill. Way to go, sustainability council. Way. To. Go. Also, if the idea of sustainability is to limit the cutting down of trees, then why take their sticks off, just to annoy the ducks at the stream? Sticking 760 twigs in the ground all around on the bank of the stream isn't making a good point if you defeat the purpose by being contradicting in making your point.

Finally, I saw MZ with some guy today. I felt this uncontrollable urge to warn him that she's a douchemonger pig-bitch that will treat you nice until you think you're her best friend, and then turn around with her real, asshole best friend and stab you in the back. Whenever I see her with a new friend, I get this desire. I also get the desire to publish it on the internet, but I refrain from… oh, wait… no, I guess I actually do that. But not so that anyone knows who she is, or who I am (well, besides those of you who actually do know me personally). Anyway, while fighting this urge, and also the urge to untie her sling (she did something to her arm recently; I kind of want to hit it and see how loud she screams. Wow… no wonder they didn't want to live with me. I'm mean), I started thinking. If she and AK are the outward assholes (meaning, I may be an asshole too, but at least I'm good at hiding it until I'm anonymous), and they are the ones who did the wronging, why am I the lonely one? Why am I the one with no friends, when they have all sorts of new friends?


Anyway, wait for the poetry. It will be coming soon.