Sunday, September 06, 2009

Family: Near and Dear.

I am continually fascinated with my family's determination to hunt me down wherever I may go, and whoever I may be with, and however hard I am trying to avoid each and every one of them. It seems as if their need to find me increases exponentially with relation to how badly I want to be rid of them for the rest of my life. And then on top of all that, no matter how long it's been since I last talked to the family member who dares to find me, they seem to ask so much about my personal life.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I now present evidence piece A. It all started with my uncle. I friended him on facebook because he's a pretty cool guy. He shares my interests, agrees with me politically, what more could I ask for? He's actually really great, but being without the rest of them means being without him, so I continue to the second piece of evidence.
Evidence B: My aunt SAT. SAT used to be really awesome. Then she got married and has kids and now relates less to me and more to my father (who I despise because he acts stupid whenever I'm trying to get him to do something, or say something is okay. For example, asking if my boyfriend can come to the family reunion, or even to our house! "Where's he going to sleep? Do you want him to stay with us?" DUH! If he had other sleeping arrangements, I wouldn't be asking you, now would I? "Dad, have you sent in my college tuition that you are required BY LAW to pay?" "No, I don't have the address. Or the amount. Even though I have the court papers. I didn't even know it was due last week. Even though I have the court papers. Can you call and give me the address where I have been sending my check for the past two years? We never wrote it down on BJ's numerous address books, or in her Blackberry. We also don't know how much the check should be for, even though you fought me and nearly took me to court over the small deficit that I didn't pay on purpose."). WE HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON! But she still talks to me. And my other uncle (AA) has been pestering me for the past five months about going to the reunion, even though I've made it perfectly clear that I'm not going because I have a guest during that time period. A very important guest who I happen to be planning to marry after I graduate from college. This woman, SAT, takes pictures of all the family at the reunion, and then posts them on facebook, saying this is ALMOST all the family, and tags me in every picture. FUCK. YOU.
Evidence C: Tonight. My house. New friend request. MAS. Great. Another family member with whom I have nothing in common. No "Hi! How are you doing! It's been so long!" No. What I got, was this:
"funny that you have not shown up before today...I hear you are getting married our first niece to get married...what is going on --- I want to hear details. How exciting...."
She pried for info, just like that. Didn't even let me tell her! Yeah. I'm fucking getting married. Thanks for asking. Thanks for asking about the rest of my life too. UGH! I haven't seen or talked to MAS in at least three years. I've been in and out of several relationships, been in school, and had friends turn their backs after stabbing me, and all she cares about is the boyfriend. I checked out her profile, found the most sickening sight. All her siblings and their spawn (minus me, of course. Thank God, I would have murdered someone if they had handed me a WSU sweatshirt and forced me to put it on for ten minutes of chaos and forced merriment, in which I was told to smile ten times until all the children around me get it right, then having to play babysitter for the rest of the day for at least one parent at a time) dressed in nothing but WSU attire. I swear, if they're wearing it, it's either maroon or grey. EVERY OTHER COLOR IS BANNED. If I showed up wearing WU colors, they would probably disown me! And dressing their kids up??? BRAINWASHING! The oldest in the picture is in fifth grade! Too young to even be thinking about college, and stamping the originality and artistic side right out of them.
*Sigh* okay. Rant over. Thanks for tuning in.