Tuesday, April 04, 2006

9:45 - I grab my keys and walk out of my house, shutting the door gently behind me, as not to wake the sleeping bears again. I left a note on the refrigerator, stating where I was going and the approximate time of return. There's enough info there to keep Mom from freaking.
9:59 - I arrive at the predetermined destination, hoping to find him there. His sleeping habits were horrible before he left and I can only hope that he changed while he was away. Feeling my hands tremble, I mount the stairs and deliver a hard knock to the wooden door, saying a silent prayer that he would be there, opening it with a hug for a greeting. I haven't seen him for three months, so I'm allowed to be nervous.
10:00 - Both doors to the duplex slowly swing open, neither one revealing the face that my eyes are longing to see. K.N, from behind door B, waves good morning as I ask if C.R. is there. His friend, peering at me with bloodshot eyes from behind door A, glances behind him and turns back to me. "He's sleeping," he replies. Requesting that he tell C.R. that I stopped by, I turn my back and head back the way I came, looking back every so often to see if he's following me, like I so desperately want him to.
10:15 - I arrive back at my own home, unlock the door, and push it open to find my mother folding clothes at the table, seemingly waiting for me. She hold's the opinion that he's not good enough for me. But then, in her eyes, what guy is? "Well?" she asks. Nothing, I think, but I don't want to give her the satisfaction of being right. I was met with nothing last night when we stopped too. But I so intently want her to be wrong about him, so I act like everything's fine. When asked if he was there, I know she already knows the answer. I leave a message for him, inquiring whether we still have a date scheduled tonight (although I know he doesn't check his messages. Damn him.
1:00 - My shoes have been purchased and I take them to show Mom and her co-workers before catching the next bus home. These shoes are the ones I'll wear tonight, if he ever calls me back.
1:45 - SKAT drops me off a block away from his house. I approach slowly, feeling the wobbles start again in my hands and legs. Why am I so nervous? Six short knocks later, and nobody has answered. Closed eyes and a deep breath. Today is your last chance, C.R. You had better prove that you are worth my time.
2:00 - I arrive at my house again, only to check the messages and find none from him. On Sunday when he called me, we agreed that today would be the day that we go on our date. I won't wait for him after this.


Anonymous said...

Jess, I wish I was wrong about him too. But you deserve so much better than he is willing to give. I love you...always. Mom

NeverEnough said...

I hope you didn't wait another minute for him.