Saturday, April 22, 2006

Something I Want To Say, But Probably Will Never Say Aloud

Once upon a time, when he wasn't a inconsiderate jerk, C.R. told me that he would be the biggest mistake I would ever make, or the best lesson I ever learned. As much as I hate to admit this, he was right. He was the best lesson I ever learned. I think that what sparked this thought was when I was telling him off, telling him all the things that he did wrong, telling him at a near whisper that I wanted more respect, telling him all the things that I wanted to say, and yet feeling like he wasn't listening to anything I was saying.
Well, I never really thought about that first comment about the best lesson, or the worst mistake. It registered to me that is what he was saying, but I brushed it off as just something that he didn't mean. Now that I think about it though, I realize that he was right. His actions towards me have taught me never to compromise my romantic ideals, and the respect that I not only demand, but deserve, for anyone. I know that my current boyfriend will treat me with the utmost respect, because he does the same for his mom. This goes for my father as well. He never really has respected my boundaries and for that, I don't see him.
C.R. If you're reading this (and I don't think you are, as you don't like the internet and don't know the blog address), I just want to say thank you for the lesson, because I know that if you had treated me well, I would have never learned it.

P.S. Uncle Dan and Grandma, I wanted to apologize for the uncensored post from a couple weeks ago. I was having a horrible day and I never really apologized. I think that's why you stopped reading for a few weeks. Thanks for reading guys.

P.P.S. I don't want to talk about this one, B.L. I love you a ton, but I promise this is the last you'll hear about him.


Kristin said...

I am also more than experienced in the topic. It's what makes Michael and myself quite the little pair. Knives I was never too big on. Blood isn't my favorite thing to look at. But when you swallow pills you don't see yourself going...I can remain detatched from the situation that way. Detatched makes it easier. And it made me less pissed off when I woke up the next day.

Why do we care about strangers so much? Hiding behind these screens and these blogs we can share our souls and our deepest darkest secrets with total strangers and we're okay with it. We save each other in many different ways and yet we never really know each other...and at the same time we know each other better than anyone who we are close with in person.

...thanks for caring.

Kristin said...

Yes, my friends are..."interesting". That is the nice word for them. heh. No No, I love them very very much, as crazy as they are.

The wake wasn't for someone that I was close to, it was for someone that Nicole was more than very close to. I'm not sure which was worse, when I was hurt by a death or when I have to watch my best friend being hurt by death.


Kristin said...